Throwing in the towel. Kind of.

Well, I have been struggling with this for a while, but I have decided I'm done doing paid work. Granted I haven't done a huge amount of it lately, but still. I did the math and I've been shooting for 26 years, some off, mostly on, and it's been a wild ride. Of those 26 some odd years I think I've been shooting for money for a good maybe 23 or so of them and some of the things I have had in front of my lens I have no words for. There's been a pirate wedding, at least one cowboy wedding, so many moms and dads to be, countless couples... The thing I actually miss the most is the music photography and the artists. Every time I would shoot a profile on an artist it would be a learning experience. Who ever knew there were so many processes, and each one different.

I will still be shooting, don't think I could resist if I tried. And there will be certain things I will never be able to say no to. I plan to take care of my past clients, within reason and my discretion. But for the most part all I will be doing is stuff that interests me. I need this. The old adage that you shouldn't make something you love into work, or you'll hate it, that's happened to me in the past and I've worked through it thankfully. But in a way I can feel it coming on again but this time slightly different. I'm seeing the possibility of it and if it did there's no guarantee it wouldn't be the end of my shooting days altogether and that is not something I'm willing to risk.

In past blog posts there have been rants from me about the decline of my beloved industry. From the overpopulation of inadequate shooters, to the ones that devalue everyone by charging too little, the "you want how much? so-and-so will do it for x."... I could go on but I will spare you. All of these things have played in to my ultimate decision but really and honestly it comes from a place of self-preservation. Eventually I know something will come along that will coax me back in, and I welcome that. The foreseeable future for me though is to make art, be with my family, and enjoy life. Not that those things aren't already happening. They are just a motivating factor as they should be. Most things I end up shooting take place in the evening or on weekends, both of which mean I'm sacrificing time with the ones I love. As crass as it may sound, nothing I can do for any of you is worth that to me. Not anymore at least. It comes down to a hard-learned lesson on the value of my own time.

I have worked with some amazing people and gotten to know many of my clients very personally, that's just me. I've worked for about every news organization in the area. Those are the things that made it so hard to decide to walk away. In the end, I have nothing bad to say about shooting for money, except that I hate the money part. It's not for me. I'm one that has always had trouble selling myself,  always underestimating and even berating my work. They say that's just an artist thing, maybe I'll get over it someday. There are no plans in my head to stop trading with people. If you have an idea you thing might intrigue me, speak up. Those are the things that have kept me going this long. So much of my head is consumed with concepts that need to come out and this will allow me the time to do exactly that.

In closing, I leave all of my past clients with the biggest thank you. It has truly been an honor to be a part of all the events of your lives that you've allowed me to participate. I hope I have done well and produced the best work I possibly could have for you. The interactions we have had will stay with me forever. I want you to know that there is no way I could ever repay you all for the things  you have taught me (mostly good) and for this I am eternally grateful. But in the verbiage of people way younger than myself, I think I'm just gonna sit back and do me for a while. Much peace and love.

Terry.